Updated February 11th 2017
I am sitting relaxing, connecting to the Universe, ascended masters, my Guides & Angels, when I have a direct message for a person I am thinking about. I sit quietly, allowing myself to confirm where the message has come from and who it needs to go to. I allow the message to flow, and write down what is being said. I feel privileged that I am able to be this vessel for others, I give out gratitude to all. These messages come direct from source, allowing my development, taking me another step along my journey. I am already deft at connecting with those demons that rage round in our heads and bodies, picking up the emotions we long think are buried, deep deep down. I have realised there is more than just emotions that the universe wants me to tell people. I am being told, this very minute that I am to help people finally deal with the baggage that holds them down.
Let me tell you how I have personally used this method.
In 2012, I had everything I thought I wanted. A very well paid job, great reputation in my field of emotional and behavioural problems, a handsome hard working husband, two amazing children and so many options ahead of me. During the years leading up to May 2012, I was able to manifest nearly everything I thought I wanted. I had also experienced the sudden loss of a close colleague and she was never far from my mind. In April 2012, I had been given the amazing opportunity, through a ballot, of a place in the world famous London Marathon. It was Olympic year in The UK, I decided to Run, having completed very little training. This was an extremely stupid idea, any marathon is tough, people have died completing it. This would turn out to be a pivotal moment in my life. I knew the capabilities of my body, what the hell was I thinking?? Obviously I was not, I now wonder why I thought for just one small minuscule of a second, that my body would be ok to go through this punishing physical, mental and emotional rollercoaster ride. In fact I felt those waves of fear, real hard “stupid idiot what are you thinking fear” from a couple of weeks before hand and through the race. There was one moment my husband always laughs about. It was the day before the marathon, we went to buy a couple of items from our local Sainsbury’s, and every now and again I would suddenly get a wave of fear flow through me. It would start at the tips of my toes and flow seamlessly up through my body to my head. It was nausating when it came, rushing through every cell, one by one. The finality of what was going to happen was very very real, I was at times delusional at what I could achieve. If I could just be very relaxed at work and take it easy in the weeks after, I thought I would be fine. The day came, the rushes of fear before the race (I say this for me in the loosest of senses) were regular almost non stop. I had to use the ladies as the race started, such was the fear in me, I could have stopped at that point and no one would have said anything, for unlike my husband who trained regularly over months and months, I had not even achieved a mile without walking. I could have stopped.
I completed The 2012 London Marathon in just under 8 hours, for the last few miles (about 10!) My husband and daughter power walked with me, my son bought along a banana to power me through the last two miles and I had achieved something I had always wanted to, but at what cost?
Work got in the way and I could not take it easy, it had taken more out of me than I had realised. In the May I was off sick, I’d like to reiterate that I was never ill, In the nearly 7 years I had worked there I’ve been off once for shingles and even then had gone back into work halfway through and asleep on the sofa upstairs for going back to work.
During May and July it was as much as I could do to sit in the garden and just be. I have to say I was really scared, I had no idea what was going on and if I’d ever get better. The final crowning glory was when I had to make a decision to leave the job I truly loved, the career I had built up, to focus on my health. I knew this was different and in the July I was diagnosed with M.E was devastated, on a different plane even. I realised in the October November time of the same year, that if I was to get better and not be tired just cutting carrots or walking from One end of the living room to the kitchen, I had to focus and do something drastic. I thought back to the people that helped with emotional behavioural difficulties and how we would put in place a plan to help them achieve. We would build up their tasks little by little so would feel the benefit of achievement. I looked at myself and realised how much guilt I was placing on myself because I couldn’t do something or that a task was to hard. I was determined not to become the illness that I had, to feel guilty for the place I had got myself into. When I decided that I was going to get better I start feeling that guilt and when I did feel that guilt, I allowed myself forgiveness and love. I listened to what my body was telling me and I allowed myself to move forward step by step. I had stopped looking at myself as the victim, and my situation as a problem and instead looked to the opportunity that lay ahead of me.
I went from a forgetful sad and a woman alone in her own frustrating world, with no job or any prospects of employment, who was constantly tired and saying sorry for breathing. To a woman who was able to heal herself through, Acceptance of her situation, and learn to live and succeed going onto learn more about herself by peeling away the layers of emotional baggage she was holding onto for goodness knows what reason, and finally after 43 years on this earth will be able to say that I truely love myself, what I look like how feel about myself.
Everything we do is an opportunity to learn and progress.
I have not just learnt what emotional baggage I was carrying, then moving on with my life, no, I now believe that there is an amazing present, and future, because I have healed every part of me so far that needs to be healed. Don’t get me wrong, I am still learning so much about myself, and each time I work though that gateway between how I am now and the future, it feels as if I am moving onto another life within this life. We do not stay the same, we are beautiful beings that are constantly evolving.